 Some thoughts on looking after your own wellbeing when you live with a lump of plastic explosive crudely fashioned into a dog shape. A reactive dog is a “dog who has the tendency to overreact” to certain things. Reactivity is a behaviour that can be rooted in a slew of causal factors, but mostly we see dogs who overreact to things they are scared of or things that they are really into, but can’t access. Reactive dogs are hard work for their human guardians. It doesn’t matter if you are a seasoned pro who’s changed their life plan to work with helping reactive dogs live a less stressful life or if you are brand new to living with an embodied exclamation point with fur: these dogs with big feelings take up a lot of emotional space and effort for us. When a dog is reactive or begins to display reactive behaviours, it can shrink your life - sometimes overnight. It is isolating. In this blog, I am not here to talk about how we help those dogs feel better, if you need help with that you can get in touch here. Right now, I’m here to talk about what you and I can do with and for ourselves to help somewhat spread the emotional load of life with a dog with big feelings.  Self Care Isn't just Bath Bombs “Self-care” is a term that’s thrown about a lot these days. If you are anything like me, you’ll immediately shut down any suggestion of practising it, telling people “I don’t have a bath, actually, so I can’t self-care”. But self-care is not just lush bath bombs and huffing a lavender bag as you cry into your pillow after an incident with a Man With a Dog™. It’s a deliberate effort to make general lifestyle changes that help your holistic well-being. Improving your physical, mental and emotional health, recognising and responding to YOUR OWN needs and making choices that feed into improving your overall health. It’s also about setting boundaries to make sure you have the energy to deal with general life challenges as well as the challenges your coke bottle with a mentos dropped into it of a dog slings at you from day to day. If you are burnt out, you will start to resent your dog. You can’t be there for them if you can’t be there for yourself. If you are reactive, your dog will take even subtle cues from you and be more reactive themselves - very helpful, thanks, teamwork makes the dream work. We spend a metric bark ton of time making sure our dog’s “needs are met” but often forget that their main need is for a stable, trusted primary attachment figure. If you’re so tightly wound you have nearly thrown a man into a reservoir because he’s failed to recall his dog repeatedly and frightened your Best Girl (based on a true story) what hope have you of helping your favourite financial burden feel safe and under threshold in the face of their triggers? Reactive Dog Realities If you’re reading this, you likely already know a lot about how reactive dogs work, why they’re doing what they’re doing, their triggers, the distances they feel safe at and all that. However, if you are new to sharing your life with one of those fireworks that you think has finished going off but then continues to go off for another five minutes and is a bugger to tidy up in the morning of a dog, it’s helpful to know the following so you are able to give yourself a break. First, understand that reactivity and "true" aggression are different things, but they can look very similar to the untrained eye. A fearful reactive dog and a frustrated reactive dog may display exaggerated and intense responses to certain stimuli or situations, and this can look from the outside like your dog is looking for any excuse to have a fight: usually, though, they just want to get out of a situation. Secondly, a reactive response to triggers, especially an extreme one, is fuelled entirely by your dog’s nervous system. They are not in a “thinking” state and are not behaving this way to embarrass, get at or otherwise make you look like a “bad” guardian in front of Mike from down the road with the German shepherd that, suspiciously, never puts a toe out of line. When you reframe your dog’s responses and understand that they are simply behaving, it can take a huge weight off the worry.  Consult a Professional Working with a force-free canine behaviour consultant, behaviourist, clinical behaviourist, vet behaviourist - or all of those is your first stage of self-care. Speak to an expert, someone who can help you understand why your dog is doing what they are doing, who can help formulate a management and behaviour modification plan will help you feel less isolated and give you a sense of control over the situation. Every dog has individual needs and roots to their reactivity, working with someone who understands dogs and can help you with your dog’s specific flavour of extremely unstable nitrogen bonds useful for the controlled demolition of buildings means that you are not floundering around on Dogstagram or Facebook groups trying to navigate the many outdated and often dangerous “tips”. Consider getting a reactive-dog-savvy dog walker on board, someone who’s into the extreme sport of reactive dogs and knows their way around evasive handling, direction changes and has a borderline questionable knowledge of where all of the local out-of-the-way quiet spots are. A reactive dog walker should arrange a meet and greet session before they agree to take on your dog, where they can get the lowdown on who your dog is, what their issues are and learn any of the training cues you use when out with your dog. They should focus their walks with your dog on decompression and enrichment, giving you the opportunity to decompress yourself. Better still, if you have a local force-free trainer who’s used to handling dogs that might contravene the Explosive Substances Act 1883, actually, it can be helpful to enlist them to provide active training-focused walks. They should be able to help support you in changing your dog’s emotional response to triggers, or even do the initial groundwork for you before handing your dog back over with advice on protocols and routines they have taught your dog. Yes, the above things cost money, but if you are going to invest any cash into helping yourself help your dog then outsourcing the burden (and it is a burden) can give you the mental time and space to reset whilst expediting your dog’s behavioural progress.  Prioritise Your Training Goals Whilst we are on the subject of training... If you are working on this alone with your dog, please know that it is absolutely fine, and actually good practice, to train your dog things that make YOUR life easier. Usually, if you are living with a gender reveal that went wrong and caused a forest fire of a dog, their reactivity towards triggers on walks is not the only issue you will be dealing with. Often you will have a dog who is generally not very resilient around other stressors, a dog who barks at things at home - like the door, window or sounds of other people in your building. You might have a dog who doesn’t like to be left home alone, or even that won’t tolerate being left with anyone other than yourself. Perhaps they can’t cope with car travel, so getting them away from home is also a struggle. Make a list of things that would be handy for your dog to be able to do to make your life easier, for example, if your dog was happy to be left at home for an hour or two you might be able to get some time away from them. If your dog was happy travelling in the car, you’d be able to drive out to less stressful walk venues. If your dog had a few trusted humans, you could use them to dog sit whilst you spend an afternoon doing HUMAN THINGS, like a human! By prioritising working on these lower-level stressors with your dog, you will open up your own world a little bit more, giving you mental energy to tackle the Bigger Issues with more focus, empathy and consistency. It’ll give you the opportunity to continue doing non-canine things you enjoy doing - decompression and enrichment are not just for dogs.  Decompress Yourself Decompression and enrichment, why do we do them with our reactive dogs? To help them down-regulate their central nervous system, to bring them from a sympathetic nervous system state (fight or flight) into a parasympathetic nervous system state (rest and digest). We really are out there trying to convince ourselves that somehow as humans, because we not only invented the USB connector but can also correctly put it in the corresponding USB port a minimum of 6 times out of 10 that we don’t need to think about our own nervous system regulation? Sorry, ape-person, you might be able to choose what you want to watch on Netflix as soon as you open the app but you still have a fight or flight mode and living with a leaking petrol tank next to a person dropping their cigarette end onto the floor in slow motion of a dog can mean you spend a great deal more time there than is really healthy. Prolonged sympathetic nervous system activation can lead to various physical and mental health issues. Chronic stress is no joke, it impacts your sleep quality, can cause gut issues and leave you in a heightened anxious state. Taking time out to regulate your nervous system and mindfully take practical self-care steps, whether you want to or not, is the only way to make sure you don’t fall victim to the shitty shit everything is shit cycle (clinical term). Move Your Body, Even a Little Now, here is the part of the blog where I tell you to take up a brand new heavy duty cold water bath centric physical exercise routine because “RegUlAr ExErCiSe Is GoOD FoR StrEsS ReLiEF.” It is, exercise boosts endorphins, but I’m not going to do that to you. If you aren’t already doing some form of physical activity, there are probably reasons for this that I am absolutely not qualified to coach you through. If you do enjoy specific exercise like running, yoga, cycling, roller skating, strength training, then absolutely do that thing. You get free endorphins, whilst self-directed focus on movement and breathing can be incredibly grounding. Plus sometimes it’s pretty rad to work along a personal “fitness goals” journey. Touch Grass Whether or not you have a favoured sporting activity, you should at the very least try to get outside and touch some grass. Studies have shown that being out in nature increases parasympathetic activity, reduces prefrontal cortex activity and sympathetic nervous system activation. In short, it slows down the thinky angsty bit of your system. You don’t need to go on a hike to do this, simply being present when you spend time among trees and green spaces is enough. Slow down, breathe deeply and listen to the sounds. Take notice of the ground you are walking on, if you spend time in the same place over the year look out for the subtle changes of the season. It’s actually quite hard to worry about tax returns when you are face to face with a really good tree trunk or cool bug.  Give Yourself a Lil Treat If you are a serial self-flagellator and “struggle to make time for yourself”, consider integrating “power-ups” into your day. Power-ups are an idea devised by Jane McGonigal in her book SuperBetter. They are things that are easy to do that make you feel good. Imagine micro-dosing positive energy, in an absolutely legal way. It can be good to start with really simple things to get into the habit with little effort
Jot down a list of things you enjoy like - watching the birds, having a bit of a dance to your favourite music, eating a good apple, crochet, making and drinking an excellent coffee - any things you can think of that would be a power-up for you. You can gamify this even more by writing your power-ups onto slips of paper and putting them into a jar, if you’re feeling a dip, or deserve a reward for diplomatically dealing with the way that Mike from down the road tried to tell you how to handle your dog, you can stick your hand in the jar and bring out a power-up prompt. WIN EVERY TIME. Objective Thoughts Sometimes we can’t keep ahead of the lizard brain response to living with an “I can hear ticking, can you hear ticking? Can you smell gas?” of a dog and we may fall foul of catastrophising. This often begins with you being out with your dog in public, them being a little… much, and you becoming overly conscious and fearful of those around you judging you. It’s a human response that when something happens, you will assign it meaning, and that then affects how you feel about the situation. For example, if a mate says they’ll ring you but doesn’t, you might think it’s for a bad reason: you don’t matter, they forgot you, they are mad at you. Thoughts like that will likely make you feel crappy or frustrated. If you knew they’d had an emergency, were feeling rough or had lost their phone on the beach, you would likely feel sympathetic or concerned. A habit to get into to kick your mindset back into “they don’t really care, actually” is playing the Three Accounts Game. You are already telling yourself a BS story about what someone thinks about you, let’s say someone looks at you when your dog is kicking off. You immediately go into “they are judging me and think I can’t handle my dog” mode and get all embarrassed or even ashamed. With this game you just make up three more possible stories for why they might be looking at you.
These alternative stories can help you feel better about a situation. You aren’t trying to find out the true reason behind the way the other person is acting, you’ll never know, just reminding yourself that you have control over how you interpret an encounter and you are able to choose an interpretation that makes you feel less crap. Basically, nobody gives a toss what you are up to, as long as you are fully clothed you most likely register nil on their “things I have encountered today- ometer”. This is a particularly difficult thing to convince yourself of when your dog has just responded to a teacup yorkie as though they were encountering Norman Bates in a shower though. So, use the three accounts game.  Community Sometimes it is actually great to vent about Man With a Dog™ and how, despite you doing a whiplash turn away from him with your on-lead dog wearing a flashing fluorescent “GIVE ME SPACE” tabard, moving yourself off the path far enough away that you were practically in another postcode he still shouted over to you “is your dog friendly?” rather than just putting his dog on a lead. And to do that you will need: A COMMUNITY - Because sometimes friends and family really don’t care about your dog. (how dare?) Look around on Facebook, Instagram and Reddit to find a group or gang of folx that fits with your particular life and training style. Join My Handful Dog Club on Facebook if you are struggling to find somewhere with the right vibe. Force-free reactive dog support communities are some of the best places to hang out to realise that you are not alone and to gain support from others who are living similar struggles. Having a community to celebrate the small victories as well as the big victories. To poop watch. To recommend dog gear manufacturers or training courses. To recommend trainers who have helped. Having a community means you are more able to meet others who know the reactive dog life well enough that you might feel safe organising distanced group walks with other dogs that are somewhere between 1,500,000–2,500,000 on the Scoville scale. And, of course, it’s just nice to have a place to have a good old moan about the person, the cat, the deer, the squirrel, the dog that made your day go from a walk in the park to piloting an aircraft after dozens of venomous snakes have been released into the cabin. Look After Yourself
Cohabiting with a reactive dog can be demanding and emotionally draining, you spend a lot more time than most dog guardians thinking about everything to do with your dog and their care, making it absolutely crucial to care for your own wellbeing. Recognising that your dog’s behaviour is not a reflection of your failings is a great first step, but remember it is not a cop-out to get someone in to help you out. Getting support where you can is an important way to spread the load. Finding a supportive community of others who understand life with a reactive dog can help to ground you in reality, especially if your friends and family don’t really get what you are doing with That Dog. You do have to prioritise your own self-care through activities you enjoy, spending time out in nature and incorporating positive moments into your day, however small, it’s essential in order to maintain your mental and emotional health. You cannot pour from an empty cup, your own needs are as valid as your dog’s. You can’t be the stable, trusted guardian your dog needs if you aren’t looking after yourself. So DO THAT THING.
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 What if I told you that there are some easy ways to hack your dog training to make it easier on yourself and your dog?
You don’t have to take everything on at once when you are training your dog a new behaviour. As long as you are consistent and make a point of noticing and rewarding when they are doing things you want them to do, you WILL get there. Most reinforcement-based training protocols fail when an owner is not consistent, but it needn’t take up your entire mind if you set yourself up to succeed. Here are some tips to help. Reward Stations Establishing a reward system is crucial when training. Reward stations give you quick access to treats, so when your dog does something right, you can immediately mark it with a "good" and reward them. This could be as simple as having dry treats in pots in every room the dog is allowed. Reward drives behaviour - the more you reward a behaviour, the more likely it is that you will see it again. This principle can be a game-changer in your training process. Mark It When It Happens It is so important to acknowledge and reward your dog when they do something you want to see more of, such as chilling out under their own steam, coming inside when you ask them to, etc. Use your reward stations to do this. Remember, your dog won't know what you want them to do if you don't tell them. Often, we don’t let our dogs know they are doing something right but will let them know when they are doing something we don’t want them to do, by telling them off or giving them attention - inadvertently rewarding them! Be clear with communicating when your dog is doing the right thing, and they won’t resort to the wrong one to get feedback. Little and Often Training shouldn’t be a long and tiresome process; most dogs thrive on little training sessions, which are much easier to do with them. You can get your repetitions in by taking advantage of small chunks of time over the day. Short training sessions during TV ad breaks, whilst the kettle boils, or you're waiting for toast to pop can be incredibly effective. The key to solid behaviour is consistent repetition, and these short yet regular training sessions can help achieve that. Keep It Focused It's tempting to try and work on ALL of the behaviours you want to train at once, but you can over-face your dog and yourself by doing this. Use separate training sessions to teach different new behaviours and stick to it until it has stuck. Don’t do too much at once. You can chunk them together when your dog understands and is fluent at each behaviour. This focused approach will make the training more manageable and less confusing for your dog. Management Last but not least, use management strategies to stop your dog from performing behaviours you don’t want them to do. You can’t be “on it” 100% of the time; you’re only human. Appropriate use of management is indispensable. It’s FINE to utilise management like baby gates, room dividers, window coverings, and changing your routines to support your training journey. These measures can prevent unwanted behaviours and pave the way for a successful training process. Training your dog doesn't have to be a struggle. With these tips in mind, you can turn this task into an enjoyable bonding experience with your dog. Remember, patience and consistency are key. If you are struggling to work out a training plan, book a free call to speak to me and see how we can work together to achieve your goals.  Yes, it seems obvious, but if your dog’s recall is a bit "Fenton!!", rewind and go back to basics.
Practice at home where there are fewer distractions. Practice outdoors with your dog on a long line so they can’t bog off completely. Reward them every time they return to you, whether or not you asked them to. Don't rely on your dog to recall out of the blue if they aren't used to doing it regularly. Reinforcement drives behaviour You are competing with the sights, sounds and smells of the great wide world when asking your dog to come back to you. Find out what your dog’s favourite foods are. Find out what your dog’s favourite toys are. Make them the thing you take on walks with you. Keep a variety of rewards on your person to make coming back to you really rewarding for your dog. Reward your dog any time they choose to look at you, regardless of whether you asked them to. By doing this, you make engaging with you worth doing, and they will want to do it more. Keep your conversation going! Have fun together Out with your dog, but actually spending your time scrolling your phone? You better believe they are going to find ways to amuse themselves whilst you’re doing other things, and it will almost certainly include getting up to no good. Keep your dog engaged by paying them attention, be mindful of their experience, play some games and explore with them. Be silly, chat to them, play chase, get off the path, get them doing some barkour, play hide and seek. Before you even let your dog off lead, assess how excited they are. If they’re pulling like a steam train and ignoring you talking to them when they are on lead, then you’ve no chance of them hearing you when they are off lead. Can they focus on you? Are they able to eat treats? Can they follow well-practiced cues, like “sit”? If the answer is “no” to any of these, then your dog may be just too excited to be unleashed. You want your recalls to be successful so you can reinforce and encourage more success. Don’t call your dog if you don’t think they are going to come. If they are hoofing off after a squirrel or an excellent scent, for example, you are wasting your breath by calling them more than once. Go and get them if you are able to. Otherwise, wait until they are at least facing in your direction before shouting them. But dogs learn through consequences Yes, it is embarrassing and frustrating if your dog won’t come back when called. If they get a royal telling off when they do come back to you they are not going to want to do that in the future. Always make a big deal of how clever they are and reinforce them when they come back to you (even if they’ve been leading you on a merry dance prior to their return). Invest in a long line! If you are not 100% sure about your dog’s recall around different environments. If they have hoofed off after squirrels, other dogs, scents. They are a fantastic management tool, there is no shame in having your dog on a long line. Long lines come in a variety of lengths, from 3 meters up to 30 meters. Using a long line shows that you are being proactive AND will help to give you confidence when you’re out and about with them.  Do you find yourself shouting "no" at your dog to stop them from doing something and find it works sometimes but fails at others? Let’s have a look at some of the reasons that's happening and alternative (more effective) options.
"No" doesn’t mean anything to your dog. We are humans. Humans are generally verbal animals. We love words - reading them, writing them, and saying them with our mouths. Gotta love a word. Dogs, on the other hand, do not understand words. Much as I would love the Disney movies to be true to life and have my dog burst into song about how much she hates cats, dogs can’t speak. They do not come with an inbuilt dog-to-human translator. They don’t know what words mean until we pair them with a consequence. Think back to when you taught your dog "sit." You likely lured your dog's front end up with a tasty piece of food, and when their bum hit the floor, you told them "good" and fed them the food. The dog learned that when the human says "sit," if they put their bum on the floor, they are likely to be given a piece of food. Word + Action = Consequence Now think about when you habitually say "no" to your dog.
Each of those "no"s means something different -
So they actually mean nothing to your dog, really. At best, you will say, shout, or scream the word at a high enough volume that you successfully interrupt your dog, but they haven't learned anything other than that you sound scary sometimes. What could you do instead of "no"? A decompression day is dedicated time for your dog to unwind, reset, and lower its stress and excitement levels. While a 'decompression period' is often associated with newly adopted rescue dogs, decompression days are an excellent practice for all dogs. Just as humans benefit from downtime and relaxation, decompression days provide dogs with the opportunity to find their 'baseline' and regain a sense of calm. Decompression days can be especially helpful for dogs that are nervous, reactive, or have high energy levels and are always on the go. Decompression days can help teach these dogs to self-regulate after exciting or frightening incidents and generally encourage some chill time.
Decompression activities focus on allowing your dog to engage in natural behaviours. They are intended to promote relaxation and mental well-being. You can offer these activities during dog walks or while hanging out at home.  To improve your dog's behaviour, it's essential to understand the factors that influence it. Behaviour modification in dogs is a complex process that involves addressing specific issues and considering various factors. By working with or changing these factors, you can have a significant impact on your dog's behaviour without formal training. Let's have a look some of these factors.
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Faye
Training instructor for Calm THE PUP Down! Archives
December 2024
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Little Lever, Bolton BL3
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